Messages From The Woman In White
by Sai Mecca
So I’m smack dab in the middle of my Saturn Return.
Maybe that’s the reason I feel..obligated to accept myself for who I truly am. Allowing myself to bend to the titles of “witch, oracle woman, lightworker…etc” has been no easy task. I grew up heavily invested in church, my grandfather being a trustee and my grandmother a missionary. Christianity was just one of those things I didn’t get to question out loud until I was out in the world on my own. Once that happened however, and the lingering questions still didn’t have answers, I decided I needed to find out who or what God was for myself. That’s what I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life doing.
Like many other stories I’ve heard from women like me, my introduction into this “witchy” life came after what I would like to consider an upheaval in my life. Things and people that I thought were solidified my life started to crash and burn, and I was left with a foundation that was properly built from the start anyway due to childhood trauma. 22, out on my own for the first time and scared, I felt like I needed something to cling to. I met a woman, whom I will affectionately call “Ma”, who introduced me to metaphysics and magic. I had already been introduced to tarot, and just like tarot did, these things spoke to me…very loudly. Synchronicities started to follow me in my daily life, and even with all the signs and slight nudges, I clung, with a guilty conscience to my Christian beliefs.
Until I had no choice.
I remember the exact day that it happened. I was at work, pulling the first half of a double shift at the Waffle House that I worked at in Fayetteville, North Carolina. It was 3pm on a hot afternoon and I was in a mood. I didn’t want to be at work, but for whatever reason I couldn’t bring myself to call in. I know why now. As I cleaned up around the restaurant, an older black lady with smooth chocolate skin and BEAUTIFUL silver dreads came in dressed in all in white carrying a small cart behind her. I greeted her, and she told me all she wanted was a glass of water. I gave her the water, and she started conversing with me. Small talk at first, nothing too deep. I went about my duties and eventually she prepared her things to leave. I told her, as I had told all of my customers to stay cool because of the horrific temperatures outside. She asked me to fill her water before she left, and as I was doing that, I caught her staring at me. She looked me directly in my eyes and said two words, “Stop running.”
Although I didn’t know this woman from Adam, I knew exactly what she meant. She went on to say that I a long time ago, a blessing was put over my life. I was “gifted” and I knew it, and it was time to stop running from myself. She told me that the peace that I’m looking for lies in me walking in my truth, and I won’t find that peace until I do. I worked at this restaurant for 4 more years, and never saw this woman again.
Fast forward 7 years later, and I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right, but I knew that way back then. I knew I was searching for something. Peace. Understanding. Wanting to help others. The issue was I was too scared to do any of this out loud. I was too scared of letting others see my truth. What would they say? Would they accept it? Those questions were answered the moment I decided I could fake the funk anymore. Did people call me all type of heathens, and devil worshippers..etc? Yep. Did family and people who I had surrounded myself with walk away? Yep. What I learned however, was when energy that no longer serves you is released, the universe has to replace it. It’s universal law. What I got in return were people who fed my soul. Experiences that taught me lessons that I had been running from.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned? Magic lives inside. It always has. All of the crystals, and tarot cards, oracle cards, wands..they are just physical enhancers. These were all of the things I was scared to let people see me with, when whole time everything was inside of me. The real conduit? You.
I am a tarot reader.
I’m a lightworker.
I’m a healer.
I am a tarot reading, lightworkin’, healer who like to cast spells through my writing.
But most importantly...
By the way, if you’re wondering if I ever found God…I did.
I look at her every day in the mirror.
In 2013, Sai Mecca ran across her first set of tarot cards and never looked back. Lover of all things voodoo, metaphysical and spiritual, her goal is to use her creativity and passion to unlock the doors of every hood witch’s broom closet one by one.
You can find her curled up with a good book, shufflin’ up her tarot cards or developing more story plots to snatch your wigs. She resides in Fayetteville, North Carolina.